There are certain dates that resonate with us...birth days, our wedding day, the day we lose someone we love. These days are life-changing, life-altering if you will. It changes the path we're on-- adding to it or taking something away from the life we knew. Change occurs whether we willed it to happen or didn't. January 2, 2008 is one of those days for me. My life was altered forever more on this day and I did not see it coming nor did I ever dream of this.
Five years ago today, we were given our most life-changing news. Our unborn baby had a very complicated, serious heart defect. It was such unknown territory for us. We were not anticipating this news, hadn't even considered it going into that "re-do" ultrasound...now looking back, we were so naive about it all. Completely blind-sided is how I felt that day. You can read more about that day
here.
The
days months following the news are a bit of a fog for me. I found myself in more of a survival mode...just getting from point A to point B. There was so much to learn, so much to process and in such a short time. I had two little busy boys to also occupy my time as well as trying to accept this life change which added hospital stays, surgeries, endless doctor appointments, stepping back from what I was used to doing--trying to control and plan everything in my life. But I learned so much from being so tired and feeling helpless in it all...I learned what was important. I learned to let so much go, to let God handle it...I learned to rely on Him and on those who were there for me and my family, letting them help and serve when we needed it most and I must say, our burden was lifted. I learned that time is precious and fragile. Good health, being born healthy, is such a gift...something I would never take for granted again. I witnessed and lived in sadness and joy at the very same time. I learned to not plan too far ahead and just enjoy now. I learned just how powerful prayer can be. I learned to walk by faith. I learned hope. I
live in this hope now.
As I watched Maddie peacefully sleep in her bed tonight, I was overwhelmed with emotion...thinking back to how lost, scared and completely heartbroken I was five years ago tonight...not knowing if I'd even get to hold my sweet baby with the broken heart. Tonight I kissed and held that sweet baby. She's 4, almost 5 if you ask her, she's pink, loves princesses and singing, has energy now!, bosses her brothers around and has grown into the most beautiful little girl, inside & out, than I could have ever dreamed of. In five years, my emotions have taken a 180. I couldn't feel more grateful or more fulfilled. Maddie's broken heart is not a mistake, in fact, I cringe when I hear the word "defect" now. She was made perfect in HIS image. She's such a blessing and I could not have made this growth any other way. I'm so thankful for this path we're on, I'm especially grateful that the Lord has gotten me here.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
