Our Sweet Baby Girl

Today I'm tired. I'm sad. I try to stay away from the blog when I'm feeling this way but I gave into sharing my thoughts this time around. My heart goes out to a sweet friend of mine. She lost her 5 month old nephew to SIDS, her sister's baby. This family has endured so much over the years with the unexpected loss of their mom and now this untimely death. In times like these, I wonder why does this happen to such good people? Her sister now has to face the unimaginable...the loss of a child, which is something that haunts me daily, with my healthy boys, and especially with my baby with a broken heart. It's any mother's worst nightmare.

Life can change so quickly. We're told to embrace each day and moment we have here but how do you do this when you're hurting? I'm tired of reading about babies and children lost to CHD each and every day. I'm so saddened when hearing about causalities such as this. My heart goes out to too many families who are dealing with the loss of loved ones. Those who are trying to live a normal life despite having to deal with chemo, radiation, surgeries, and illness. The destruction and grief in Haiti. I'm tired of watching my little girl endure too many procedures, pokes, and knowing it's never over for her. Knowing that her heart can never be fixed is simply exhausting. There is no cure for her or for many of our little heart friends. I want to take it all away for her and I don't see any "fairness" in any of this. Just as my friend Michele would like to take her sister's pain away and fix it, I too want to fix my daughter's heart and spare her from any more pain. I guess it's that helpless feeling or maybe it's just the time of year that's brought me into this slump. The season I was in exactly 2 years ago from now was the hardest time of my life. We had just learned that our baby would be born with a broken heart and our lives were forever changed.

I know that I am blessed to have 3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband, freedom, a great family and support system, and many more blessings that I could list. Why is it that I'm still down? I really have no right to feel this sad when there are so many worse off than me today and I have so much to be thankful and happy about. I have my children. My heart baby is doing well. We have been the lucky ones.

In my times of confusion, doubt and sorrow, I listen to music. It is therapeutic for me and seems to feed my soul. I also bottle much of my feelings up over time, then when something like this happens, it seems to unleash itself. After talking to my friend Michele yesterday, I did just this. I unleashed. I stayed up much too late, reading my bible, praying, and listening to music. I wanted to feel some peace and feel closer to Him. I wanted to gain some understanding. As I was searching for something to make me feel better, I came across this song. Just when I was wavering in my faith, I was simply reminded through these lyrics that we do have an Everlasting God. He's always there. In these times when we're angry and so filled with sadness, asking Him why, we are to call on Him. And only hope remains, through Him. Someday our pain, grief, and worry will all be gone, all because of our Savior and the price that was paid for us. Our Redeemer. Our Everlasting God. Even though there is much to be sad about, my heart is filled with His promise.

One thing I know that I have found
through all the troubles that surround
You are the rock that never fails
You never fail

One thing I know that I believe
through every blessing I receive
You are the only one that stays
You always stay

You never change
You're still the same
You are the everlasting God

You will remain
After the day is gone
and things on Earth have passed
Everlasting God


Everlasting God by: New Life Worship