Our San Diego Vacation

I'm a little late posting about the fun trip we recently had to San Diego. Bryan's parents treated our family with the trip for Christmas and we enjoyed the So Cal sun, sand, the zoo, Legoland, and of course, Shamu. The kid's loved playing with their cousins for the week and our beach house in Oceanside was second to none. It was a fabulous vacation and so nice to enjoy beautiful 70 degree weather in the middle of winter! Of course, Maddie started getting sick the day before we left and by day 3 on the trip, her illness peaked and warranted a trip to the ER at Rady's Childrens Hospital in San Diego. After the horrible night she'd had, I was tired of the "wait and see theory" and her lethargic nature was getting to me. So, long story short, her high fever, horrible cough and crummy sats were due to a virus. Another one. Anyway, the nice ER doc we saw made a phone call up to Dr. Vernon, her cardiologist, to double check the plan of attack and what a small world, they were both Fellows at Boston Children's Hospital together. It was a relief taking her and the care we received was great. The second half of the trip was wonderful and the kid's were fulfilled with many fun outings and memories. Thanks Pa and Grandma Allred for such a great vacation! We loved it and look forward to going back someday! It's definitely a favorite vacation spot for us and spending time with family was the best part of all.

We even got to see our heart friend, Carlie! It was so nice visiting with Shannon (Carlie's mom)and the girls again and to see Miss Carlie in action was such a highlight! She's doing awesome with her 1/2 heart and it brought many smiles to our faces! Thanks for making the drive down to see us Mason Family :)

Today I'm tired. I'm sad. I try to stay away from the blog when I'm feeling this way but I gave into sharing my thoughts this time around. My heart goes out to a sweet friend of mine. She lost her 5 month old nephew to SIDS, her sister's baby. This family has endured so much over the years with the unexpected loss of their mom and now this untimely death. In times like these, I wonder why does this happen to such good people? Her sister now has to face the unimaginable...the loss of a child, which is something that haunts me daily, with my healthy boys, and especially with my baby with a broken heart. It's any mother's worst nightmare.

Life can change so quickly. We're told to embrace each day and moment we have here but how do you do this when you're hurting? I'm tired of reading about babies and children lost to CHD each and every day. I'm so saddened when hearing about causalities such as this. My heart goes out to too many families who are dealing with the loss of loved ones. Those who are trying to live a normal life despite having to deal with chemo, radiation, surgeries, and illness. The destruction and grief in Haiti. I'm tired of watching my little girl endure too many procedures, pokes, and knowing it's never over for her. Knowing that her heart can never be fixed is simply exhausting. There is no cure for her or for many of our little heart friends. I want to take it all away for her and I don't see any "fairness" in any of this. Just as my friend Michele would like to take her sister's pain away and fix it, I too want to fix my daughter's heart and spare her from any more pain. I guess it's that helpless feeling or maybe it's just the time of year that's brought me into this slump. The season I was in exactly 2 years ago from now was the hardest time of my life. We had just learned that our baby would be born with a broken heart and our lives were forever changed.

I know that I am blessed to have 3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband, freedom, a great family and support system, and many more blessings that I could list. Why is it that I'm still down? I really have no right to feel this sad when there are so many worse off than me today and I have so much to be thankful and happy about. I have my children. My heart baby is doing well. We have been the lucky ones.

In my times of confusion, doubt and sorrow, I listen to music. It is therapeutic for me and seems to feed my soul. I also bottle much of my feelings up over time, then when something like this happens, it seems to unleash itself. After talking to my friend Michele yesterday, I did just this. I unleashed. I stayed up much too late, reading my bible, praying, and listening to music. I wanted to feel some peace and feel closer to Him. I wanted to gain some understanding. As I was searching for something to make me feel better, I came across this song. Just when I was wavering in my faith, I was simply reminded through these lyrics that we do have an Everlasting God. He's always there. In these times when we're angry and so filled with sadness, asking Him why, we are to call on Him. And only hope remains, through Him. Someday our pain, grief, and worry will all be gone, all because of our Savior and the price that was paid for us. Our Redeemer. Our Everlasting God. Even though there is much to be sad about, my heart is filled with His promise.

One thing I know that I have found
through all the troubles that surround
You are the rock that never fails
You never fail

One thing I know that I believe
through every blessing I receive
You are the only one that stays
You always stay

You never change
You're still the same
You are the everlasting God

You will remain
After the day is gone
and things on Earth have passed
Everlasting God


Everlasting God by: New Life Worship

Four Christmases

Yes, we enjoyed 4 Christmas celebrations in 3 days this year...we are fortunate to only have to travel within a 15 mile radius of our home to all of the locations. Phew. Enough dragging of kids, presents, side-dishes, and toys was done within that short distance to last us for awhile!!! First stop was Christmas Eve at my parents. A delicious prime-rib dinner, home-made gifts this year, Pictionary and fun with Nany & Ba, Great Grandma Shirley, Jason, Sybil, Jett & Tripp and Ryan, Jessica & Kylie.

Christmas morning was spent at home with our family of 5 in our quaint little home. Santa was good to the kids this year and followed through with most of their requests...my favorite part of the morning was hearing Jace excitedly wake up Caden saying, "Cade, wake up...Santa came...he brought us presents and guess what, we WERE on the nice list!"

Christmas Day was spent at Papa & Grandma Allred's with Mike, Lesa, Savanna & Boo, Mike's parent's, and Andy, Danyel, Jadyn, Wyatt, Randi & Jilli. We always have a relaxing day there with our tradition of a yummy brunch, visiting, being spoiled with gifts, and just lazing around. Oh yes, a football game or two is usually watched as well!

Christmas get-together #3 was with the BIG Allred family on the 26th...sorry for hardly any pictures...spent too much time yapping. This is the biggest family gathering we attend. Bryan has 37 first cousins and 30 of those cousins are married and when you add in how many children this generation has...my count is "roughly" 58 great-grandchildren!!! And most are just getting started :) Not all are able to make it, but it's still a full house!

And our last Christmas celebration was with my dad's side of the family at Aunt Kerry's. It was very relaxing, we enjoyed great Mexican Food and were able to un-wind a bit. Pinochle is the game of choice for the Stewart's and if you don't play, you have to entertain the rest with a special talent. We've had some pretty funny talent shows in year's past. This year, my little bro was the one and only talent, we rocked out with him on Jake's new guitar. Jace and Cade enjoyed playing video games and ping pong. Good times!

December brought...

Very cold days, snow & sledding
an excited little girl who looked like a blueberry every time she ventured outside in the cold Jace's school Christmas program. Hearing those sweet kindergartners sing "Little Drummer Boy" warmed our hearts
Caden repeating his part of the preschool program, very speedy like, with a huge grin and giggles decorating for Christmas...my favorite time of year
creating and eating a Gingerbread house
an overnight trip with the boys to the westside for a Seahawk's game and
last minute Christmas shopping at Bellevue Square, my favorite place to shop!
celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary at home with the kids this year!

Merry Christmas!

May your hearts be filled with love and peace!

Ice cream at midnight...

is a little habit that we finally broke for little miss! Instead of getting her yummy bottle (not actually icecream) at 2am, Maddie's finally sleeping through the night! It took almost 21 months for this to happen but as soon as she was weaned from her bottle and I quit getting up with her with every peep she made, she did it! I have hesitated to post about this since I had some doubts it would be a success but we're going on two weeks, so I'm crossing my fingers this is our new norm. Maddie still sleeps 6 steps from our bed in her crib in the little nursery nook (due to lack of bedrooms in our home) so I thought it would be nearly impossible for her. Naps are still a hurdle, the girl hates to sleep in a room by herself and throws some major fits. Boy is it going to be a rude awakening when she has her own room someday soon and loses her two favorite roomies, mom and dad!

I was procrastinating on weaning her from her bottle since it was "drilled" into me from day 1 how important it was for her to have enough calories and keeping her hydrated is critical with her anatomy. For her first 6 months of life or so, I forced her to eat and worked so hard to get her to the point of wanting to take her bottle. She went from an NG tube, to bottle feeding only an ounce at a time 24/7, and I kept a record of every ounce she ate until she was 10 months old! Yes, I've made some progress. But by about 8 months old, she started liking her bottles and we finally were having success. She was gaining well and enjoyed eating, her reflux was minimal and feeding her wasn't a battle like it had been. As weird as it sounds, I've actually loved getting up with her every night, it was our cuddle, quiet, alone time together and I felt reassured with getting a few more ounces in her this way. I was also convinced she was a better eater while drowsy and it was my security blanket and hers.

BUT...at her 18 mo. visit, her pediatrician mentioned getting her weaned ASAP as well as no more "social hour with mom" in the middle of the night. The habits we were creating were going to be tougher to break as she got older. I wasn't convinced yet to start this until we had our visit with her cardiologist. Dr. Vernon reiterated that she does not need a bottle anymore, she can take a sippy just fine and the last thing she needs is to still be getting up through the night. So, after crying to Bryan after leaving the office visit, we made the decision to "tough love" her though the night, starting that night. Amazingly, she actually just fussed a bit then went back to sleep! Every night since, she's slept through the night without waking up. No puking or crying herself into hysterics (she's great at this and has learned that if she pukes, she gets out of her crib. I know, very spoiled.)

I guess Maddie was more ready for this than me! So no more ice cream at midnight for our little love and I actually feel more rested these days. It's amazing how well you feel after having a full night's sleep...it's a good thing for all of us!

Cardiology appointment

Giving daddy kisses while waiting for Dr. Vernon

Last Wednesday, Maddie had a cardiology check-up in Bellevue. She had an echo done as well as a thorough exam and visit. Her sats were surprisingly high, 77% (she's been running in the low 70's at home) and she weighed 24 lbs. and 33 inches in height. It's impossible for the echo-tech to find her Glenn site (same story each visit, wiggly toddler and lots of scar tissue doesn't make it easy) but with the pulmonary blood flow they can see, it looks like the re-plumbing job is still working. Our burning question was when will she need her 3rd surgery...well, Dr. Vernon believes that Maddie will likely be 3 or 4 before her Fontan. That's really nice to hear but at the same time, I wish we could just get it over with. She needs to be around 15 kilos for it (30 lbs.) so we probably do have a ways to go since she hasn't gained any weight for almost 2 months and is just getting busier by the day.

I'm always nervous before her appointments and find myself mentally preparing in case we recieve bad news. Maddie was sick pretty much all of November so I was apprehensive that she'd have such a good report, especially since she's turning more smurf-like each day and the sat monitor at home enjoys 72-74%. Even with the increased blueness, her Card. believes she's doing well. And the best part of the visit was hearing we don't need to come back for 6 months!

She also recieved her first round of the Synagis vaccine today with Jana at our local clinic...2 pokes & 4 doses were given = a $5400.00 immunization! That's just crazy. She'll continue to have these throughout the winter and we're jumping for joy that this is the last season she'll be getting these costly shots!!!