Maddie will be the patient and we'll be sitting in a waiting room, anxiously awaiting on news to how her surgery is going. I can't believe it's already here. I shouldn't be shocked, we've known this day would come (God willing) since finding out about her heart on January 8, 2008. The third surgery seemed decades away at the time, really over the past couple of years it's seemed so distant, due to the fact that we just looked enough ahead to prepare for the next procedure, next appointment, and tried keeping her healthy & gaining enough weight. We've taken this journey a day at a time and now she's ready. Her Fontan surgery is scheduled for early next Tuesday morning, May 24th.I've been trying to keep really busy...doing odd-ball things like drawer organizing, making cute hospital gear for her (which my mom gladly took over because of my lack of concentration), changing the look of our blog, and planting more flowers than I'd intended to this spring. I've had a difficult time sleeping, due to worry and stress but also to the fact that Miss Maddie has had some rough nights to. She's been waking up crying & wanting mommy. I oblige every time because frankly, in a week, she'll be in a lot of pain and discomfort. If I can comfort her and love on her every night by crawling into bed with her or bringing her into our bed, I will. I've been looking at it as practice for the hospital and practice for my patience! So much for our theory of not letting our kiddos sleep with us! It's a habit I'm willing to break with her and we're getting really good at sharing a bed since I'm sure that's where I will be for the next couple of weeks...squished in a single patient bed with an understandably cranky 3 year old.
But how do you prepare? Of course, prayer fills much of my time. Throughout my day I find myself asking Him my many questions, pleas and asking for help through this. And my top concern and prayer, of course, is for Maddie. How is she going to do with all of this? Will she trust us again? Can we reason with her? Will she allow the doctors and nurses to help her without a fight? Will the Fontan work for Maddie? What if, what if, what if? And then I've realized that I am taking on too much here. This is out of my hands and my control, so again, I find myself asking Him to take my worry and my fears. I ask for the Lord's help and I continually ask for Him to take this. And so far, it's working. Today I got up feeling really refreshed and actually excited to get this over with. It's inevitable, we might as well just enjoy these days before hospital life and keep our lives as normal as possible. And thanks to our 3 children, I stay busy. This is what I will miss most while in the hospital. The mundane, ordinary things while at home with kids...cleaning up after them, attaching lego guys arms, laundry, helping them find toys, changing panties from accidents, making meals, and playing outside. Normal things are keeping me sane right now.
Maddie knows what's up with all of this, though we've tried to spare the details until just a day or two before the surgery. Unfortunately, she worries like me so I try to avoid telling her too early...why make her anxious any longer than she needs to be? She's always known her heart needs fixed again, she's seen several pictures of herself in the hospital during prior surgeries and procedures, and she's seen several of our "heart friends" pictures on the computer during their recent Fontans. She knows she has to go back to the hospital but doesn't know when. She just randomly brings up that she doesn't want any owies or pokes and she doesn't want to see the hospital or doctors. That's a tough one. I've just tried to explain that in order for her to feel better and not "tidered" anymore, run faster, and play like her cousins, she has to have her heart fixed and there will be a few owies but she'll also get to chose little toys from a treasure box we've made for being brave, and she'll get visits from everyone she loves while in the hospital. I've told her about the hospital's playroom and playground and she'll get to go on lots of wagon rides. This seems to suffice for now. This is the great thing about being 3.
I have a couple of books that we're reading this week as well as packet that Children's sent us with pictures of the hospital, familiar faces she may see, and it talks about having surgery. Child Life also sent us 3 packages filled with fabric dolls dressed in adorable hospital gowns, surgical masks, hair nets, gloves, syringes, bandages, tubing, gas masks, and medicine cups to play with. On Mother's Day, I broke all of that out and the big brothers had our basement rec room turned into quite the O.R and cardiac clinic. She enjoyed taking vitals on her baby dolls, putting on band aids, checking for fevers, putting them "asleep" with the gas masks, and listening to their hearts. It was therapeutic and really a wonderful afternoon. Having Jace and Cade play this with her made it much more fun. It's really been a normal part of her life as well as theirs, they were pros and I enjoyed sitting on the stairs listening to them. Though it's not typical that kid's this age know how to take blood pressure, stick on EKG stickers or tie a band on a dolly's arm for a blood draw, they've embraced this part of their lives. I'm so proud of them for this.
