Heart Mom's

Since being home, I've done tons of research on the Internet, mainly trying to find another family with a child who has Maddie's heart defect, or a similar one. I've definitely found the need to talk to another mom who's been there. There is a support group that meets once a month at Children's Hospital, but I don't know how often we'll make the 3 hour drive over for it. So, I've resorted to looking on the Internet for support and to just find a mom to chat with. I've made a couple of contacts so far and these mom's are so willing to share their story and to talk. Without even knowing them, we share a common bond. A heart baby. And while searching, I found THE CHD BLOG and would like to share this poem I came across there. It's a tear jerker...so get ready. Boy, does it speak to my heart though and all of the thoughts and feelings I've had since finding out we had a heart baby on January 2nd. Speaking of my heart baby, she's had another good day BUT her nights and days are mixed up...so I'm typing 1 handed, holding my little, delirious night owl! We both need some sleep!

"The Day I Became a Heart Mother"

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, "am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved her for so long.

I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!

Will she need a lot of therapy?
Will she gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my child's bed.
I watch her sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss her head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust you hold her life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment she's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let her stay"!

From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by her bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will she be alright?", to watching her reach out her hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to her beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love her (Just as He loved her from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for her (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".

- Author Unknown