Behind Your Scar

By looking at Maddie, you wouldn't know she lives with a complex heart defect. She's a pretty typical almost 2 year old...besides the shade of blue she turns from time to time. The only thing that is notably different from her peers is the scar she wears.

I remember the day before her first surgery, I was able to spend about 2 hours holding her. During this time, as I was memorizing every part of her, it hit me that she would carry a physical scar for the rest of her life. That my sweet, innocent, tiny baby girl was going to be cut open with bone shears while doctors "re-plumbed" her broken heart. It felt as brutal as it sounds and was a crushing moment for me. Not only would she have to bear the physical pain of the surgery, she would have a physical reminder of it forever. And not only would she have to do this once, but she was on the track for 3 open heart surgeries, at least, for her life and she wasn't even a week old yet.

In Maddie's case, wearing a scar is normal for her. She'll probably wonder at some point why doesn't everyone have a zipper like her? Her brothers have contemplated this and wondered why they didn't have their heart fixed like their sisters. But maybe the scar is intended to be much more than a physical reminder?

I guess my wish for her is that she'll be proud of her scars. I hope she'll someday realize how special she truly is and what she's taught us. I pray that she'll understand how much she's gone through and focus on the strength she's had to have to endure life with a half-heart. With this, I hope she'll live each day to it's fullest and never lose sight of the love we have for her as well as the love that our Savior holds for her. I hope that she wears it with honor because it signifies so much.

Behind Your Scar...
Sometimes I have those "moments",
When I think...life's just not fair,
Then I think of all you've been through,
And I see the scar you bear.
A faded line right down your chest,
Made with such careful precision,
We wanted you to have a chance,
Could there be any other decision?
And so I trace that "perfect" scar,
Made with the utmost care,
And I realize there is purpose,
Behind this scar you wear.
What have you taught us?
You've taught us how to face a storm,
(Some things are just out of our hands)
Life has no handy guidebook,
(Things don't always go as you've planned)
People come into our lives,
(Sometimes it is just for a season)
But God brings them into our lives,
(And I know that He must have a reason)
Normal, uneventful days,
(The kind that we always hoped for)
These are the days I say, "Wow God",
We just never know what lies in store.
If I can place a feeding tube,
Without even getting distraught,
Perhaps, maybe, I might be...
Much stronger than I thought.
It's okay to be afraid,
And it's alright to cry,
It's okay to feel lost sometimes,
It's even okay to ask...why?
You face life with courage,
(Knowing God set you apart)
Every little thing you do,
You do with all of your heart.
No crystal ball exists for us,
(To see us through each strife)
We only have one wish for you...
An ordinary life.
You've taught us to love one another,
(Helping each other to cope)
You've taught us compassion for others,
You've taught us to never lose hope.
You already have quite a story,
Which you can someday share,
And I can see it's beauty,
Behind that scar you wear.
~written by Stephanie Husted, heart mom to Braeden (HLHS)